Don’t think I’m being nosy, but after meeting Dan the other night I wondered how you’re going to deal with explaining your “false advertisement” when the time comes? (You know — your padded bra!) I know you roll your eyes when I say this, but you have a BEAUTIFUL body and you should accept it and love you for YOU. Then you wouldn’t find yourself in such an awkward position with your boyfriend! Call me tomorrow, Mom.
Please describe me. I am trying to write my Internet dating profile.
"std's are on the rise. love, mom."
I bought some baby clothes for you today. I know you aren't pregnant, but I thought that maybe if I bought the clothes it would work in reverse...like I could will you to get knocked up. Are you knocked up? Tell that husband of yours to get busy. I want you two sexing it up like rabbits. Hear me...RABBITS.
PS: Your father is getting a vasectomy.