Funny emails From Mothers

Hi Hon,
Don’t cross B. off the list.  If I rejected Dad because he was “too eager” I might be single today and never have had three great kids!!!  As I’ve told you, Dad used to chase me down the hall of the classroom building!  Tell me that is not “too eager”?  Remember your new criteria?  No prison record, not a lawyer, and I forgot the other criteria — no drug addiction or whatever.
Love, Mom

Subject: Just a thought
Don’t think I’m being nosy, but after meeting Dan the other night I wondered how you’re going to deal with explaining your “false advertisement” when the time comes? (You know — your padded bra!) I know you roll your eyes when I say this, but you have a BEAUTIFUL body and you should accept it and love you for YOU. Then you wouldn’t find yourself in such an awkward position with your boyfriend! Call me tomorrow, Mom.
Subject: Need your help
Please describe me. I am trying to write my Internet dating profile.

Short and to the point:
"std's are on the rise. love, mom."  

I bought some baby clothes for you today. I know you aren't pregnant, but I thought that maybe if I bought the clothes it would work in I could will you to get knocked up. Are you knocked up? Tell that husband of yours to get busy. I want you two sexing it up like rabbits. Hear me...RABBITS.

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PS: Your father is getting a vasectomy.