Things My Mother Taught Me

My Mother taught me:

Logic: "Because I said so, that's why."

To Appreciate A Job Well Done: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

Religion: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

Time Travel: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

Foresight: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

Irony: "Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

The Science Of Osmosis:"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

Contortionism: "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

Stamina: "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

Weather: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

How To Solve Physics Problems: "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

Hypocrisy : "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

The Circle Of Life: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

Behavior Modification: "Stop acting like your father!"

Envy: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

Logic... "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

Medicine... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."

To Think Ahead... "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

To Meet a Challenge... "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"

Humor... "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

Become an Adult... "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

About Sex... "How do you think you got here?"

Genetics... "You are just like your father!"

Roots... "Do you think you were born in a barn?"

Wisdom of Age... "When you get to be my age, you will understand."

Anticipation... "Just wait until your father gets home."

Receiving... You are going to get it when we get home.

Justice "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like."